is the best example of a mother who's life was shattered, crushed, and
all but dead after she lost her home and her possessions... but that
didn't do this to her.... it was when they took her little babies... her
blessed children from her that she then became paralyzed in life....
The face, staring off into space with a blank stare... that is me. I
was so depressed and it was only because my children lived that I didn't
commit suicide at that time in my life in 1994. Picture sketched by
one of the worlds most talented and great men of God who was also a
great sculpture of clay Dr. Steve Glaze professor of Mississippi College
Art Dept. He and his wife now teach at Liberty University. Dr. Glaze felt so sorry for me having to drive from Jackson in the cold, dead winters all the way down the interstate to Clinton with no window in the drivers side. And God lead Dr. Glaze to put some plastic over the window and he sealed it with some tape. I got very sick that year with chronic ear and sinus trouble that later turned into bronchitis and I still have a lot of those same health issues now eighteen years later. Homelessness destroyed my health within the first nine months because of the stress it caused me then my immune system shut down. I remained homeless for about two years during that time from '94-'96.
had to sleep in my car a few times. It was during those nights that I
would try to dress like a man with men's canvas tennis shoes and I would
make sure that they could see them through the window if they looked.
The other window on the drivers side was broken out so it was a
terrifying experience to say the least. I would put that ball cap seen
here in this picture on the front dash board hoping that if a would be
attacker strolled by the 1967 barracuda in which I slept that they would
think I was a man and be too afraid to bother me. I was raped during
that time but it was not when I slept in my car. I always parked in the
first baptist church parking lot or some place like that to try to keep
myself as safe as possible. It was the worst time of my life. Unlike
Katrina when many were going through loss of home and had much
government support, I went through this alone with no governmental help.
And no, I am not stuck in the past, nor reliving it... I am just
letting others know what I've been through because many do not believe
it. Many didn't even know it was going on when it happened in 1994
because I was ashamed of being a poor, divorced homeless mother so I did
my best to stay looking well kept, clean and well dressed. But my face
could not hide it!
The bible tells us that when we overcome
something bad we are too use our experiences to give hope to those who
are going through what we've already walked through. My hopes are that
those who are suffering from the terrible storm on the East Coast or the
terrible flooding and storms in India this morning (October 31st, 2012) that has left
hundreds of thousands of people without homes will have hope and
strength for a better tomorrow.
We cannot ever let something bad that
we've experienced have any negative effect on our ways of life. We must
learn from that experience and do all that we can to prevent it from
happening again. A perfect example would be the severe flooding that we see in New York and in New Jersey cities and subways after Hurricane Sandy. We must rebuild the infrastructure immediately to insure that the flooding never happens again. Or another example ie. the rape and how do I stop it from happening again?
I do my best to make sure that I am never in a vulnerable position ever
again. I stay aware of my environment and I don't go places where that
type of criminal activity is more likely to happen ie. bars. (I was at a
hotel when it happened to me and I am not sure if I could have
prevented it). I look for what good came out of it.
And there was a
lot more good came out of it me losing my home, my possessions and my children. My children are stronger and wiser now because of it. I was very sick with
excruciating back pain for many, many years even before any of my children were born
from being run over by the car in 1979 and almost killed in the
motorcycle wreck in 1987. I had no time to heal or recover from those
injuries because I was busy caring for my children.
Most mothers, as I
am are givers. And most mothers will give and give and give to their
children even if when they desperately needed to give to themselves.
The airlines use a rule that I should have applied in my motherhood but I
didn't have the resources available to me that I needed because of my
back injuries. The airlines teach everyone that in the event of a
crisis they must apply the oxygen mask to themselves before they put it
on their children. This way, they won't pass out and not be able to
help anyone else.
In 2001 I was hospitalized for five days and the
doctor told me that my immune system had failed because of stress. So I
began working hard on my health for the first time in my life. That
was seven years after my children and I were already separated. It was later in 2006
when I became very ill after the oral surgery that I had in 2005. I had
two years to rest a little when I was in MO. from 2008-2010. But now,
I've had 4 bad bike wrecks and my back is in need of a miracle. So the
good that came out of it is that I am working on my health now and
trying to recover my life strength.
And I grew much wiser. Everyone
needs to be able to spend time alone. Before this happened I could not
stand to be by myself. I hated being alone. Somehow during all that
has happened, I was healed of that. I have never been lonely hardly at
all. Maybe once or twice but for only a few moments. I have kept my
self so occupied with learning to be by myself, and spending time with
God to learn about HIS word and HIS ways.
Those things I could have
never done had I not been alone. God always causes everything to work
out for the best for those who love HIM and are called according to HIS
purpose. Just as it was when my children were younger, and I felt incomplete without a husband or a father for my children after the devastation of the divorce.... so it is when I am separated from my children... I feel something is missing. Maybe I am supposed to feel whole and complete without my children, but I completely lost my self after my first one was born. I traded my old selfish nature that was so very selfish away for a heart that knew my children were more important then my pride.
God turned the bad for good for one of my favorite bible
heroes. His name was Joseph. He was the son of Jacob and Rachael.
Joseph was his fathers favorite child and all of Josephs brothers hated
him and were jealous of him. They tried to get rid of him and they
attacked him then through him in a deep pit. Then they sold him as a
slave to get rid of him and they told his dad that Joseph was killed.
It crushed his fathers heart. But the brothers knew that he was not
dead. During the time that Joseph was a slave he was imprisoned too.
Several years later he was let out and he was made 2nd in command to the
highest authority in the world at that time. During that same time
there was a great famine and had it not been for the wisdom and favor of
God upon Joseph then everyone would have died from starvation. But God
blessed Joseph with great wisdom and he prepared ahead of time because
God had warned the Pharaoh through a dream and Joseph was the only one
who could interpret the dream.
So the Pharaoh used Josephs great wisdom
to prepare for the famine. 14 yrs later his dad and brothers were
starving to death from the famine and they came to Egypt to buy grain
and they had to purchase the grain from their brother who was now 2nd in
command to the highest office in the world. God turned Joseph's bad to
good and he made his enemies his footstool. GOD will ALWAYS do that
for those who truly LOVE HIM and seek HIM.