Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Domestic Violence Effects Everyone It Touches

It was Winter of Celestia's 11th grade at Pearl High School in Pearl, MS. she was a junior with lots of Junior and Senior friends that she hung out with after school and nearby her home. At 17 yrs. of age she distinctly recalled one night after fighting herself trying to decide if she should call 911 and get the police to stop the insanity of her drunk parents from fighting each other.

They had fought each other many other times. Even as far back as the first one she remembered. It was the worse by far and she was only five years old then. Yet, years had gone by and not one time did social services ever come out to their home or did the police ever come to their home.

Celestia didn't call them that night because after all, the phone was in the same room where they were fighting each other and she was already so publicly humiliated in front of two neighboring houses where several boys lived who she went to school with. Twice while living with Celestia's parents her bedroom was nearby to the living area and the kitchen/dining area where they seemed to have had all of their fights.

But that was the night that something changed deep in her core being and she made her first life changing decision. She told herself that she was either going to join the military or she was going to get married. She had a very active dating life and it may have been about that time when she was getting serious with the man that she married just weeks after she finished the 11th grade that same year in 1979.

It is a terrible shame that she was too embarrassed to stay at home with her parents and her two siblings because of the horrible fights that went on every week on a regular basis. But her first born son was born the same month and year that she was due to graduate in May of 1980 so she figured that was the only sweetness to the loss of her High school Diploma.

 Later, she did go to two physical & secular colleges for four years and then to an online Christian college for three more years.  Celestia is currently a Board Certified Christian Counselor and she has about 90 CE's of professionally recognized & accredited CE's from the total of all three colleges that she attended.

She took him back to meet the coach that same year at her old high school and Coach said that her son would make a fine quarterback. But she was so in love with her son that she would not let him play in that sport for several years. And when Celestia finally decided to allow him to play he was in the 5th grade and she was a young divorced mother of three children and she could not afford his uniform so he could not play. That broke her heart!

One thing she learned is that dropping out of school to run away from domestic violence was not the answer. She jumped right out the pan into the fire. Domestic Violence is a vicious cycle and it diseases anyone who it touches even if you are just an onlooker in the family.

Recently, studies have concluded that Domestic Violence can cause Post Trauma Stress Disorder. Post Trauma Stress Disorder can cause addictions and addictive behaviors. Also the studies revealed that Domestic Violence causes homelessness. Furthermore studies revealed that many who have suffered homelessness were also victims of Post Trauma Stress Disorder
 See Seeking Safety for more resources.

The man she married and the father of her kids was way more violent then her step dad had ever been!  And he threw Celestia around their trailer like she was a rag doll for more then seven years.

The first time she left him is when she went back to her parents. Then the worse thing happened. They had moved out of their three bedroom home and into a two bedroom apt. One of her sisters had already graduated high school and moved out on her own. Celestia and her two babies had to sleep in the bedroom with her baby sister. Celestia's parents allowed her to stay for three days and then Celestia's dad drove her right back over there to where she had lived with her husband.

Instantly, Celestia felt defeated again. Thank God for the University of Mississippi Medical Center and their ability to sniff out domestic violence as often the subject is too shameful to discuss. They offered Celestia free marriage counseling and she gladly accepted. Her liberation began!!! Celestia had the best marriage counselor in the world and her name was Meryl. Meryl (name changed to protect the innocent) was tall, blonde, a college graduate with a medical degree working in this hospital clinic and she had Celestia's full admiration.

She too was a victim of domestic violence and Celestia recalls even while she was in session with her that Meryl shared a story of something that had just happened to Meryl and her husband that same month where he had thrown something across the room at Meryl. Meryl (teaching Celestia the signs of Domestic Violence) told Celestia that when her husband threw that at Meryl it was domestic violence.

Meryl taught Celestia about the cycle and how it is up to the victim or as Meryl called Celestia a "survivor" to break the cycle. But Celestia found out all too hard that it is not easy to do and the cycle of Domestic Violence continued all through every attempted and failed marriage that Celestia wrongly entered.

Celestia has been single since 2000 and she stayed single even through the prime of her life as she was taught in College Anatomy & Physiology 1 and 2 (yes she got her GED and she went on to college) that the sexual prime for a women is in her forties and fifties. And for a man it is when he is eighteen and on into his early twenties.

Now, she finally let it sink in. You can't just go with who ever you are attracted to or even whoever you fall in love with. Celestia's best friend Bessie (name changed to protect the innocent) told her as Meryl her marriage counselor had also told her (but the marriage counselor just didn't quite say it in a way that it sunk in) that Celestia did not know how to pick a man.

Celestia's best friend Bessie went on to tell Celestia that "God would have to pick him out for her" and Celestia said she finally listened. Anyway, Domestic Violence played a major role in Celestia not being able to graduate with High School class of '80.

Celestia continued her education all through the years because she thought it important. She considers herself to be a life long learner because it is the one thing that has really helped her to be the "Survivor" that Meryle taught Celestia about her life that saved her from being bullied anymore.

She made straight A's and one B at the American Association Of Christian Counseling One day her hopes are to get a college degree in Political Science or in Business Administration.

Recently,  Dr. Phil's wife Robin helped get an app developed to rescue victims of domestic violence.  On the program "Dr. Phil" that played on Tuesday October 29th, 2013 they explained how the "free" app works.  It allows you to program a message on your phone that alerts your loved ones, your family, friends or 911 when it is time for you to "exit" a very dangerous situation with a domestically violent person.  It also begins recording as soon as the person begins to become abusive with you.  The recording begins as soon as you alert your family, friends or the police to come and get you.  Find the app "Aspire News"  here.  

Stay in school and don't stop until you have a degree!

Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world. Nelson Mandela

Education is the key to unlock the golden door of freedom. George Washington Carver

An investment in knowledge pays the best interest. Benjamin Franklin

The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet. Aristotle

Education is the best friend. An educated person is respected everywhere. Education beats the beauty and the youth. Chanakya

The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change. Carl Rogers

Labels: Abuse, College, Domestic Violence, GED

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